AT MOUNT ZOOMER!!!

ok. i would rather HAVE A PERPETUAL WEDGIE. A WEDGIE AS A PET.
supes simple explanation, dogz: im mega social anxiety, so i would rather suffer through a wedgie forever (and have no one notice) instead of being the laughing stock of the entire world for having my fly down. get it? ok!

i told myself i wouldnt make the next 'what would you rather' (imagine i linked to this blog right there instead of just bolding it like a dink?) something gross or negative or or or...but all i can think of is this:

would you rather wake up by (through?) a cat meowing really loud and piercingly in your ear OR a spider crawling over your face? AND TICKLING IT!? best phrasing of everything ever!

sorry.

hi kari! do this.

you're the cat's piss... cats don't wear pyjamas.

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

This isn't news, but I am a procrastinator... EVEN IN THE BLOGGING DEPARTMENT!! Apologies are flowing out of my heart, among other places ("orifices", specifically).

Cat's piss or an alcoholic's breath... for perfume?? Personally, I'd love to combine the two, but I think that might be a little too "risque" for this blog... I'm all about controversy, but boy, that's just pushing it. (Interpretation: I'm too lazy to try to explain myself). Honestly, I'd say I'd wear alcohol breath as perfume. It isn't a very specific scent, since I'm sure some boozers' breath is a lot worse than others. I hate smelling people's breath more than anything, but urine is a little much, although I guess since it's a cat it's not as bad as a human's... but still gross. Nothing is worse than piss smell. And if you wore ACTUAL piss as a perfume (not just a recreated version of the scent) it would be the SUPER WORST because piss just smells worse as it gets older. I would know... I pee myself all the time, and often I don't change until the next week!!! I'm actually joking about that, although I'm sure you disagree.
Both suck. But I pick the booze breath. THAT'S IT. I SAID IT.
(yeah, smelling bad breath on public transportation is THEE worst... for the record...)....


WWYR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????
......
HAVE A CONTINUOUS WEDGIE (thongs don't count, they're fucking stupid)???
OR
HAVE YOUR FLY DOWN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME???? (no, you can't just wear un-fly pants because that's just how it is!!!! OK? Your pants have to be FLY!)

seymour vs. nunchucks.

really good one, kari!
as soon as i read it, ideas just started pouring out! like woah this question evoked so many emotions! i actually immediately made a point-form list, which i will now consult, to explain my decision:
I CHOOSE SEYMOUR, DUH. a few reasons (from the list):
* there is a good chance he gets free fried chicken. if you were bff's you'd probs get some too.
* he has a sweet record collection which he houses in a totally bizarre room and it would be fun to sit in that room and touch all his things (NO NOT LIKE THAT), while listening to someone named jelly roll morton or something like that. (and probably eating fried chicken...do you see how great of a best friend he would be?).
* ok another one...there would hardly never be a risk of getting injured with nunchucks. on the other hand, maybe having a weapon is good for protection. he could probably just protect you with his charm and good looks though.
maybe that's all for now. i am tired. seymour rules so hard. oh he also drinks wine. which i am pro at!

ok.

WWYR?!
wear as a 'perfume'...male, un-neutered cat pee
OR
an alcoholic's breath? (that one inspired by a bus ride yesterday!).

fyi...dont worry about what other ppl might be able to stand more...you can stay inside all day if you want! it's more what you could put up with better.

hopefully next time i can think of something not-gross. bye!

uninspired but still a good question minus poop and other bodily secretions

Erin... I know you enjoy Ghost World as much as I do (hopefully I made that up so I sound really cool), so I have to pose this crucial, to-die-for question:

Who would you rather be best friends with...

Seymour from Ghost World (played by none other than STEVE BUSCEMI!!!!) or... that other guy who plays with nunchucks and eats meat sticks??? Yes, nunchucks guy is a minor role compared to Seymour, but he is equally important, to be quite honest.



WHOOOOA WHAT A TOSS-UP!!!

this WWYR made me really hungry...

I've been racking my brain over this one for the past few days... both are extremely gross, and both would make me want to die or barf which is pretty much the same thing, in my humble opinion. But then I started thinking... HEY, why not ADD these marvelous bodily ingredients to ACTUAL edible food items?? For instance, you could easily dilute the blister liquid if you drained it properly... you could put it into a cocktail! You never know, it could get you even MORE fucked up!!!! As for the scab, you could crunch it up real nice and fine and sprinkle it over a dinner much like Mrs. Dash, y'know what I'm sayin'??? Now that I've taken in these choices with a grain of salt (LITERALLY), I would choose... well... honestly... without all the fancy recipes that include nasty body liquids or crusts, I'd go with the scab... wait... maybe not... two centimetres is fucking huge for a scab. Maybe the liquid then... I'd get super duper drunk before "drinking" the liquid (although it can't be THAT much... unless the blister was the size of my head...) and then I'd drink it and blame it on my intoxication. Yeah. Good answer, Kari.

My WWYR is still under construction... I haven't gone that far. Ugh, I suck, I know. If you come up with a question, I encourage you to ask it. Is that against the rules? I don't plan on taking forever, but you know, just to keep this blog alive for all of our huge fans...

stained underpants! stained underpants!

ferreal.

feral?

i would much prefer some old nast crust on me then gooey slimey fresh...with the crusty i feel like i could just step out of that kiddy pool, brush myself off, and continue with my day. probs wouldnt even smell too bad! would barely need a shower! hopefully none of those undies had std's in them. or used needles for that matter. you know older people...who are not babies...they be using the needlz!
im not drunk, really.

ok a question...
WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER?
eat your own scab (let's say 2cmx2cm in size!...hardened, dried, not pussing) OR drink the liquid from a popped blister on your foot?


**i opened a new window to google image search 'scab' but then i realized we have to draw the line somewhere. plus, kari, you didnt include pictures of crusty/runny poo in a kiddy pool, so im following by your tasteful example.

remember spandau ballet??? "I KNOOOOOOW THIS MUCH IS TRUUUUUUUE"....

Erin, you have presented me with a difficult decision, as drunkenness is the key ingredient to solving life's problems such as this one. However, when I really sit down and think about it (mainly on the toilet), I have come up with an answer... and I know you must be thrilled at this discovery.
Although a five minute recital all by my lonesome sounds rather endearing, it wouldn't be the same without my dear friend called booze. So that one is out of the question. Obviously, I am left with no other option. I would sit on my ass and watch a boring fucking stupid recital for four stinkin' hours. To make this bearable, I have come up with a brilliant plan. Since it is four hours long, that is a damn good time to catch up on my sleeping. The night before, I would totally pull a crazy all-nighter and then I would go to the ballet totally fucking delirious and then I would snooze through the whole thing. I'm not one to fall asleep in public places, but I'm pretty sure if I was up for more than 24 hours, it would be a perfectly reasonable assumption that I would conk out. And there you have it!

I am going back to our gross ways, so be prepared for this WWYR!!!

Erin, would you rather sit in a kiddy pool of old, crusty, stained underpants (both women's and men's... think about it) or sit in a kiddy pool full of fresh diapers (and by fresh, I mean freshly pooped and peed in)??? I was going to use a gigantic swimming pool instead of a kiddy pool, so be thankful that your head is above the crotchiness and doodoo.

gross bad vs. silence

siiiiigh this one is too hard. i think i would feel the exact same as you on this issue (duh soulmates) (re: bipolar). however, my first extinct was to say 'music, yes no matter how bad'. umm i am boring. that's all i have to say.

fyi, kari, over the past week or so i have caught myself asking peeps, 'what would you rather' in every day REAL LIFE situations. eg: at the liquor store. 'what would you rather? beer or wine?'. REAL LIFE SITUATION THAT HAPPENED. then i obviously think of you and start crying and laughing uncontrollably (SP?!). this is basically an open love letter to you.

OK. WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER? sit through a 4 hour ballet recital or be forced to perform in one of the (short..liiiike 5 minute) uhh 'numbers' without having a clue what to do! note: no, you cannot be drunk. in either option.

hai.

SEXY TIME!

k bai 4 now!

poop and pee on the radio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ooooh, my favourite! A pee/poo question!! Only the most fascinating topic on the planet!!
Asparagus pee or beet poo, you ask... although I am highly intrigued by a beet-induced bowel movement, I haven't been known to dabble in the beets... to be quite honest, I don't think I have formally tasted a single beet in my entire life!! So I am going to go with asparagus pee... because it is most relevant to me, but it's also extremely hilarious... it's a scent to remember. I remember the first time when my urine smelled reminiscent of asparagus... those were good times... something to write home about! But I really need to eat me some beets... I need to experience a poop of a lifetime!!!!!

To stray away from poop and pee (I hate to do it, but I must)... I have an issue that has made me ask myself, "What would Erin do?"... here it goes...
At the office I work in, we get to listen to a single radio station... because the station plays out of our telephones (am I the only one who has never heard of this???). So I really have no choice but to listen to one radio station. And this station is really bad, but it sometimes can be funny. It plays all the latest "hits" by all the really hip, up-and-coming "talented" "musical artists". Rihanna? You got it!!! Beyonce? HECK YES! Sometimes, you get a taste of the eighties (thank god), but it's mainly the same crap over and over again.
Erin, in this situation... would you rather listen to this one, single, totally annoying radio station... or would you rather listen to no music at all?
I find it amusing to listen to this radio station, personally, however... I have become rather bipolar about the whole ordeal. I am either laughing hysterically (in my head) or wanting to go on an angst-fueled killing spree. I have a few laughs, thanks to this station... but in the end... is it really worth it?
My life is SO DRAMATIC.

This guy is saying: "YO I AM LISTENIN' TO HOT JAMS!! JOHN MAYER IS FIERCE!"

asparagus pee vs. beet poo

what would you rather? (more like, which do you enjoy more..i know you have an intense interest in bodily functions)...the smell of your pee after eating asparagus OR the look of your pee/poo after eating beets?

also, here's your new favourite website:
http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques/Content/Ideal/ideal.html

mind battle: anorexia vs bulimia

first off, i love you too kari.

ok. i would choose anorexic over bulimic EVENTHOUGH i talked about how cool puking is, it would just be more convenient to eat miniscule amounts of food rather than depending on a close by toilet? yes. i would love to be anorexic if i could. unfortunately i eat like a large donkey all day long.
this reply was totes insensitive!

i cant think of one right now because it's before 9am and i havent seen that in a while. k bye for now i will write one onnnnnnnn.......sunday?

ps: hi kari, it's me again..can we please 'kick it' this weekend? i am there today (that's THURSDAY) until sunday!

IM NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER.

kari i am so mad at you.

MIND BATTLE: bowie vs. collett

what would you rather? pass david bowie on the street and have him wink at you? or go to jason collett's cd release party on your birthday(PARTY)? kari, i am talking to YOU. and also 'the internet'.

most complex mind battle yet i'd say

kari i think this was a personal attack/trap...ATTACKTRAP because I CANT WHISTLE. oh and i kind of hate elvis. i will have to choose saying only 'elvis' forever because that is my only option!!!! i guess i could say it very menacingly (word?) so the message would come across that i hate him...but then ppl might think im jealous of him which im obviously not because my wildest dreams have come true? hahaha. ok bye.
bbbbbbb.

muhmuhmuhmuhmute

CONGRATULATIONS! All of your wildest dreams have come true, and have been transformed into a reality. Unfortunately, you have also turned into a mute, leaving you with no choice but to be silent. ABSOLUTELY SILENT. There is an exception, however... you have the option of making a noise or saying a word, but you are absolutely limited to this one word or one noise. You will be able to do one of the following: a) whistle, or b) say "Elvis".
So what would you rather?? In your perfect world, would you whistle constantly, or would you say "Elvis" whenever you wanted to speak?
Also, your wildest dreams can't include "talking"... that's just lame!

no bus, no muss and fuss

I am going to go with walking... a crowded, smelly, overheated bus is my idea of a total nightmare and I can barely handle it when it happens! And if I don't have a seat, well, that makes it way worse. I've definitely been caught in crappy weather while walking, and I'm usually unprepared... but I think I'd be able to stick it out, and it will make the instant that I walk through my door that much more rewarding! Also, I'd feel like somewhat of a hero, conquering the walk home without dying and everything....

mind battle: bus vs walking

would you rather get on a crowded smelly bus and start sweating a whole lot (oh and you also have to stand) OR walk the same distance (and say this is -5 weather) and you dont have a HOOD! ps: you are sweating so much because you are relatively buddled up because it's wintertime and also because you have social anxiety, duh!

home alone nineteenthousandhundredfortytwo

Home Alone 2 is definitely my choice as well, and I am somewhat sorry to hear you haven't watched either in quite some time... I will forgive you eventually.
Home Alone, in my opinion, is still wonderful, but the 2nd is just oh-so-exciting with the New York City factor... I mean, being lost in such a city, WOW. Unthinkable!!! It's also a little more heart-warming, considering the bird lady and the turtle dove gift-giving. Plus, Kevin McAllister is a mastermind and Home Alone 2 has solidified that very fact.
ALSO, Kevin's mom is awesome and maybe it is because of her Catherine O'Hara-ness, or maybe it's because she also seems to accumulate psychic abilities in the second movie. I don't have a son, so maybe this is a mother/son bond in general, but when she was trying to figure out WHERE Kevin was within the city, she somehow knew that he would be in front of the giant Christmas Tree in New York... wait... maybe she's not psychic... maybe Kevin's just predictable. Fuck. Nevermind.

home alone 1 or home alone 2: answer

though it has been nearly a millenia since i have seen either...im going to go with my gut here and say home alone 2. im pretty stoked on both because you know, culkin AND catherine o'hara. and i appreciate that she was given the chance to be in such shitty movies instead of say, making something awesome with christopher guest. but 2 mainly because it is in nyc, and who can resist that glitz and glamour and it's christmastime there and there are lots of pretty shops and lights and maybe even a naitivityaslkfjal scene if i remember correctly. fuck i dont remember either movie at all. i still say home alone 2 though. the end.

reviving the christmas spirit!!!!!

Since the last question was somewhat of a messy one, I thought I'd make this "would you rather" a little more light-hearted...
As a huge fan of Home Alone, I have to ask you, Erin... would you rather watch Home Alone 1 or Home Alone 2??
Home Alone 3 (or 4th... I have a horrible feeling that there is, in fact, a 4th) obviously don't count, because if there's no Culkin... what's the fucking point???

rebuttal: diarrhea vs. vomit

kari, while you made some very valid points i would like to bring up a couple things...
you mentioned that vomitting is more socially acceptable, and i think that is the key reason why i choose vomit (in social situations/public at least)..say you are driving in a car with maybe some other peeps...it's much easier to pull over and puke on the side of the road then have diarrhea all over everyone.
also..not only is it more socially acceptable, vomitting is kind of cool...i mean that really sexy girl from the kills vomits on stage a lot and how hot are they right now?
k that's all. what do we do now? this is a really complex blog.

"diarrhea or vomit?" erin asks, kari replies with...

diarrhea!!!!! hands down. i back up my answer with: i hate puke, thus i am scared of it. plus, diarrhea is just liquid poop and humans already poop so puke is more alarming because it doesn't happen as much, unless you're bulimic. both suck though, and diarrhea is definitely the underdog as puke seems to be more acceptable due to the people who can't HOLD THEIR BOOZE!!!!

i'm just gonna throw this out there: what's worse than diarrhea and puke? both, simultaneously... food poisoning, anyone? worst nightmare!!!

diarrhea or vomit?

welcome. this is a brand new important blog by erin and by kari. we will have MIND BATTLES. ALL THE TIME.


diarrhea or vomit kari?


ps: i think i should mention that this blog has a sci-fi feel to it, if that's not apparent to some of you dinks.